Dad said, “Listen to me when I’m talking to you.” This was a hard command to follow because I’m a grown woman and Dad’s been talking for a long time. Dad is 87 years old, is disabled, might have the beginnings of dementia, and he spends most of his time in front of the television with the sound blaring.
I visit Dad two-to-three times a week and when I’m at his house, I pull up a chair to sit beside him and listen as he talks. He talks non-stop about the same subjects he’s spoken about for years. Dad needs a companion. Not a wifely companion, but someone who will sit and listen to him; someone who will engage him in a conversation and pay attention to him, someone who hasn’t heard his stories, and someone who cares and will be there for him throughout the day.
Nancy, a wonderful woman that I work with, gave me the name of a company that provides for the well-being of seniors and Dad’s immediate needs. The company is Visiting Angels (VA) and its mission is to put seniors first, prioritizing their safety, security, and personal well-being. Visiting Angels are adults that go to a senior’s home and have conversations with them, help them do light housework, help them cook, take them on outings, etc., for a specified number of hours per day. Visiting Angels are one of many companies that respond to the needs of senior citizens.
I thought Visiting Angels would benefit Dad and I brought the subject up with him. I asked Dad questions regarding what type of help he would like from the Visiting Angels if they were to come to his house. Dad said he wanted someone to help him cook, sweep, and wash dishes. I told him I wouldn’t contact VA until he said it was okay and quickly he said it was okay.
I spoke with someone from Visiting Angels and scheduled a meeting with dad, his wife, and me. At the meeting, we sat in the living room as the interview began. The VA representative asked Dad many questions, some he was able to answer. Other questions, his wife or I answered. The questions covered Dad’s personal, socio-emotional, financial, and behavioral background, and after listening to the rep, I realized that VA’s goal is to get clients who were a good fit for their company. They want to work with the right clientele, just like we want to make sure we’re working with the right company.
The interview went smoothly until the representative talked about the costs. She stated that Medicare would cover a large portion of the cost and maybe all of it, but Dad would have to pay the initial deposit and maybe a portion of the costs until Medicare kicked in. As she was talking, Dad yelled ‘’No’. He didn’t want to pay money for this service, catching all of us off guard.
Another thing about Dad. He has a fixation with money as a senior that he did not have before he aged. I talked with dad stating, “You have the money to pay for a companion and can afford it. VA is for you and about your quality of life. This is about making your life better and allowing you to do the things that you want to do.” Dad makes more money than me, and I work full time. I want Dad to spend his money on himself.
Visiting Angels will also be beneficial to Dad’s wife, though she won’t admit it. She works in the medical field 3 to 5 nights a week from 9:00 pm – 7:00 am. When she comes home from work, she’s exhausted and needs sleep. At the same time, dad is just waking up and is ready to begin his day. If someone from the Visiting Angels came to the house at 8:00 am and stayed until 12:00 pm, Dad’s wife would be able to sleep in the mornings while someone from VA takes care of dad’s needs. A win-win situation.
The VA representative left the house, allowing Dad the opportunity to call them and start the program when he’s ready, which Dad said he will do.
As I continue to walk this journey with the disabled, I’m learning that independence is as important to them as it is to me. Living on your own and doing what you want to do, when you want to do it, is something that we see as normal until it’s unreachable. I’ll strive to make sure that Dad and Albert can be independent adults as long as possible.
Learning to Live Life and Loving it - Carol Johnson Blogs 