44 – Heartbreaking News

I learned today that Gina passed away.  I was saddened by her loss, more for Rob than anyone.  He had taken care of her with all of his being and now his plight was over.  As a caregiver, I’ll remember him as a man who put her needs above his needs and one who responded positively to the call of stroke.   

I spoke with Rob after Gina passed and was surprised by his comments.  He said, “I asked myself did I do enough and did I give her the support that she needed?”  Rob had guilt about this, but he had supportive people who told him that he did enough. He said that he doesn’t beat himself up with guilt anymore, but at first the feeling of guilt was bad.” I stated that as caregivers, we give all of ourselves to care for our loved ones, and then condemn ourselves for not doing enough. We must change this.

I asked Rob what was the hardest part of living with the stroke? He said that part of it was Gina. She would ask him, “Why did you not just leave me alone.  In 30 more minutes, I would have died.” This statement cut Rob’s heart, but he believes that this was a natural response because living with stroke is a struggle.  

Overcoming questions like this was hard for Rob.  The emotional and physical struggles were hard.  Caregivers redesign their home and your lives for their loved one. The responsibilities that caregivers have are sometimes uncomfortable for both the survivor and caregiver and may put a strain on the caregivers mental and physical health. Throughout Gina’s ordeal, Rob had to lift her on and off of the toilet and the bed, in and out of the car, and many more physically demanding activities. 

After Gina passed away, Rob had severe back pain that he’s still dealing with.  He says there are physical and mental needs that caregivers must take care of including counseling and physical exercise.  Rob stated that he should have been trained in physical therapy and is working to overcome the physical problems that he has that were caused by the stroke.

Rob was a runner and ran during his time as a caregiver.  He had to give up running for a time because he developed a bone spur that grew into his achilles tendon.  Rob says that caregivers need to find time to relieve their stress. For believers, let your community of faith help and support you. Rob has started running again since Gina’s passing.  

I asked Rob, what do you attribute your positive attitude? He responded, “I’ve been through a lot in my lifetime; my older brother was killed in a car accident, my dad had a heart attack and he fell into my arms.  I’ve had people of faith in my life.  I’ve always been a believer in God and get strength from Him. I’ve feel the presence of Christ in my life and when I feel down or a victim of circumstance in the world, this knowledge and faith helps me through it. Every morning when I get up to face the day I say, “Good morning Jesus” and I pray that He will help me make it through my day.