37 – True Friendships are Welcome

Albert led an active and productive life before the stroke. He worked as an accountant at the church, helped many small businesses with their tax returns, was an avid golfer, and he spent time cultivating relationships by hanging out with his friends. 

He had three friends with whom he regularly spent time with, Clint, Tim, and Rob.  His closest friend before the stroke was Clint who lived about 2-3 miles away from the house. Albert and Clint hung out two to three times a week. Clint brought his family over to our house and we would hang out. We had fun times together talking, eating, and playing games with our children. 

Albert’s second tightest friend was Tim. Before the stroke, Tim and Albert golfed at different golf courses around Austin two to three times a month. Their friendship was so tight that they bought land in a vacation spot together so our families could build homes and retire together.  Our families hung out at each other’s homes and traveled together. Tim and Albert had wonderful plans for our future.  

Albert’s longest and most enduring friend is Rob.  Rob and Albert have been friends for over 35 years.  Before moving to Austin, Rob and Albert hung out every weekend and some weeknights playing golf at the country club.  They were a twosome whose goal was to beat everyone that they played and talk “smack” while beating them.  Rob’s family was Albert’s family and Albert’s family was Rob’s family

Then the stroke came and everything changed.

Since the stroke, Clint has not visited Albert one time, nor has he called Albert to check on him. I don’t know if Albert realized this, but I did.  

Tim has come to the house to visit Albert two or three times. The first time Tim came to visit Albert, it was very uncomfortable because Albert couldn’t speak legibly. Tim did almost all of the talking because Albert was introverted and couldn’t initiate a conversation. He did try to answer the questions Tim asked him as best as he could. When Tim came to visit Albert the second time, he brought beer and a party attitude. He and Al drank, laughed together, and had a nice afternoon. When I came home and saw them drinking together, I was not happy and my unhappiness showed on my face though I didn’t say anything to Tim. If Tim returned to visit Albert, it was when I wasn’t at home, and when he left, he made sure to take all of the remnants of alcohol with him.

Rob has been Albert’s true friend before and after the stroke. Rob has called, visited, spent time with, and done his best to protect him. Rob is truly concerned about Albert. Shortly after Albert’s stroke, his mom died.  I didn’t tell Albert about it because I wasn’t sure that he was strong enough to handle another crisis.  Rob wanted Albert to know about her death and did his best to give Albert this information.  Because of Rob’s persistence, Albert learned about his mom’s death sooner than I anticipated. Rob visits Albert often, traveling to see him, takes him golfing, and he has vacationed with him. Rob has plans to travel again with Albert again this fall.  Rob loves Albert as a brother. 

The support of friends is necessary as stroke victims recover. Stroke takes the victim’s personal identity while true friendships allow the stroke victim to know and remember who they were before the stroke.