30 – One More Day

I’ve said this many times but I’ll say it again.  I don’t know how people live with stroke without a relationship with God.  Frustrations from stroke are present and in my face every day.  Frustrations from knowing that Albert has needs and can’t communicate them; frustrations from bills coming in faster than I can pay them; frustrations knowing that Jordan, my teenaged son’s life has changed and he no longer has the carefree life of a teenager, frustration because I don’t have a husband to walk through life with.

I pray continually and one of my prayers is Lord “Why”?  Why am I going through this?  I’ve tried to live my life doing good and right, and following Him.  (I’m far from good or perfect, but I’ve tried.) Living with stroke is hard and sometimes I want to stop; stop living with stroke. I can’t walk away from it or ignore it because it’s here everyday and it’s in my face.  Stroke is here when I go to bed and when I wake up.  It’s here when I go to work and when I come home from work. When I go to worship, go grocery shopping, get gas for the car, etc.  I’m tired of stroke, but stroke doesn’t care. It’s still here.  And I pray to God.

Along with prayer, I read God’s Word and get the strength that I need to continue on one day at a time.  That’s what God calls me to do and that’s what I do.  I don’t have specific scripture that I read every day to give me encouragement, I just read God’s word.  Lately, I’ve been reading the wisdom books; Job, Proverbs, and Ecclesiastes and have asked God to give me wisdom to persevere, to make it through each day; wisdom to make the good decisions and be a person of godly character; wisdom to say the right things and to treat people with love, kindness and compassion; and wisdom to do his will at all times.  

Sometimes the outcomes from the wisdom that God gives me are good in my eyes and I feel positive about them. Sometimes the outcomes of my responses are not what I desire, but God’s will.  

I see God’s hand in my life and in the way that I handle myself and know that He’s in control.  This gives me peace.  A peace that only God can give.  A peace that gives me the strength to make it through one more day, one more day with stroke.