It’s been months since Albert had the stroke and he needs something to do. He wants something to do. Albert spends most of his time laying in the bed sleeping, watching TV, and eating. He wants to work with numbers and accounting, helping others as he has done in the past, but hasn’t gained the ability to do so. He wants to get out and go somewhere but where can we go? He wants to visit with people but can’t express his thoughts and feelings in conversational speech when others are around. I don’t mind that there’s no place to go or that we don’t have visitors, but I do want Albert to have something to do and people to see.
Before the stroke, Albert and I didn’t grocery shop together, but we’ve begun to shop together weekly. When we arrive at the grocery store, Albert gets a motorized cart that he drives around the store as I walk. As we go up and down the aisles, he chooses food that he wants to eat and I choose the food that I want to eat. We spend more money on groceries now than at any time during our marriage because Albert buys what he wants without thinking about the cost. While he’s putting things in the basket, I have my calculator out adding up the cost of the groceries as we shop. I’m sometimes astounded by the cost but allow Albert to buy the food that he wants. This is something that I’m willing to do because it’s an easy way to make his life a little more satisfying.
When we’re ready to pay for our groceries, Albert wants to pay but knows that he can’t do it alone. When using the bank card, he can’t remember the PIN or our zip code. It’s funny how the brain works. He can do math problems, he knows how much money we have in the bank and how much we spend, and he knows how much things cost, but he can’t remember those two things, his PIN and zip code. If he doesn’t pay with a debit card, he pays with cash. I try to make sure that he has money in his pocket continually. He wants $100 or more with him at all times. I’m not sure why, but I try to make this happen.
When we return from grocery shopping, Albert helps unload and put the groceries up which is not something that he’s done in the past. I appreciate his initiative except for the fact that he wants to put the groceries in his place of choice instead of where they’ve been located for years. We’ve both have had to make adjustments on where groceries will be placed in the cabinets as well as in other areas of our lives. You might not think this is a big deal but it can be a battle of the wills. Whose willpower will win?
Because Albert doesn’t work outside of the home as he has for the past 40+ years, he needs something to do independently, on his own. Right now, his life is my life and he needs a life of his own. The friends that he’s had for years don’t come by the house anymore, and the small business owners that he worked closely with doing their books, have moved on. It’s time for Albert to move on. In what direction I’m not sure, but I know that more rehab is in the picture for him and hopefully it will take him to the next step in his life.
Learning to Live Life and Loving it - Carol Johnson Blogs 