26 – Finding Contentment

Finding contentment on the journey of caregiving is not easy but it is doable. Some days I feel like I can’t take it anymore because I’m being pulled in so many directions; working outside of the home, supporting employees, helping and encouraging immediate and extended family members, supporting and encouraging my brothers and sisters in Christ, taking care of my house, etc. 

Most caregivers, like me did not ask for this job but were given the role because of a situation or circumstance that happened unexpectedly. We found ourselves in this role of giving continually. Giving love, care, support, encouragement, understanding, patience, kindness, etc., to someone we know and love.

Finding contentment in caregiving helps with the day-to-day tasks that were expected to complete.  Contentment is the ability to find happiness, peace, and enjoyment in our current circumstances even though it may to be ideal.  It’s making the best of the situation that we’re in, a situation that we cannot change until our circumstances change. 

Yesterday, I took Albert to Lowe’s because he wanted to buy sod for the lawn. He showed me the type of sod that he wanted to buy and I asked him how many squares he wanted. He counted one, two, three, four, five. I told the cashier that he wanted five squares.  Then Albert counted to five again. I asked him again how many squares do you want to buy. This time Albert counted to four twice. I didn’t understand why he was still counting or why he would count to five twice and then four twice, so I told the cashier that we would pay for five squares of sod.  

When we got to the car, a Lowes garden employee put the five squares of sod in the trunk of the car. When Albert realized that there were only five squares of sod, he was upset and started yelling. He yelled at me and he yelled at the worker. He yelled so loud that everyone outside of Lowe’s could hear him. I tried to calm him down but was not successful until he was ready to talk. I asked him why he was so angry and listened carefully to his answer. Communicating with someone with expressive aphasia can be difficult.

I learned that he wanted 20 squares of sod.  I immediately walked back into Lowes to buy the other 15 squares of sod, as Albert yelled at me the entire way.  Inside my feelings were hurt, but outside I didn’t allow my feelings to show because I know that part of his anger is his frustration with the effects of the stroke.  

After I paid for the sod and walked back to the car, I tried to help Albert put the sod in the trunk.  When I realized that he didn’t want my help, (he wouldn’t put the sod that I gave him him in the trunk), I walked away.  Sometimes to have peace you have to walk away from the situation.

Walking away from the situation allowed me to go to the restroom and wash my hands.  It was also a good time for me to talk to God and get my mind right asking him to guard my heart and mind so that my thoughts and actions weren’t crazy or rogue.  I know that God hears my prayers because he changed my thoughts, which were crazy and rogue.  

God said in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

I’ve believed in God most of my life and believe Him when he says, “you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart”.  I’ve been seeking him with all my heart and know that my life is more than that of a caregiver.  Knowing this allows me to have more patience and more understanding as a caregiver, even when I think that Albert doesn’t deserve it.

I didn’t ask to be a caregiver, but this is the situation that I’m in right now.  I’m blessed in other areas in my life because I’m in the position that I worked for and dreamed of for years; a middle and high school principal.  I have a wonderful family, children, grandchildren, sisters, etc.  I was also able to take Albert and I to Honolulu over spring break with seniors on their senior trip.  

God has blessed me in so many ways over the years that I can honestly say that being a caregiver who displays patience, love, understanding, and encouragement is my way of showing God that I love him and that I am willing to try to do what He asks of me.