12 – Control When Things Are Out of Your Control

During the first weeks of Albert’s stroke, I was on the Adkins diet trying to lose those extra pounds that I gained over the Christmas holidays.  I was struggling with my weight and was trying to keep it under control. Connie, my sister came to visit Albert and me, and my brother-in-law Pierre was at the house with us.  Albert had the stroke while he was in Nashville taking care of his mom.  

Every morning we sat and ate breakfast together.  Breakfast consisted of eggs, bacon or sausage, toast and coffee.  Pierre and I would try to coax Mom to eat which worked some days, but not everyday. Because I needed some control in my life, what I ate was what I controlled. It was the only control that I had in my life. After breakfast, we would sing songs and hymns to cheer up Mom and then I would go to the hospital to spend the day with Albert.

After spending so much time at the hospital, one of Albert’s nurse’s brought in a comfortable cloth recliner for me to sit in and he put it close to Albert’s head. I would work on my laptop while sitting beside him talking and singing with him throughout the day.. 

During the first days of the stroke, there was little that I could do for Albert but sit with him.  When Connie was in town, she and I sang hymns and spiritual songs to him, and he would join us because he remembered the words. They were etched in his mind.

When I got hungry, I would go to the hospital cafeteria and stare at the food that they were selling and the food looked good and appetizing. Some of the options were fried chicken, meatloaf, chicken strips, homemade butter biscuits, all topped with a seasoned dark brown gravy. They also sold salads and baked chicken, which were foods that I could eat if I stayed on my program.  

One day, when I was in the cafeteria staring at the food, I had to make a decision about my weight and the food I was going to eat, and I did.  I chose to stay on the Adkins program and to continue to lose weight.  I remembered earlier in my adult life that as I went through hard times, I had the choice to eat emotionally and gain weight, or not focus on food, eating healthier foods.  Both of these are choices that I controlled, and I needed to be in control of something. This was the right choice for me.